The most idle time I have ever spent....I QUIT

Usually people ask me how am I doing, I just tell them its good...and when they say what are you doing,,I say I am working "hard" these days and the things will get better soon. Honestly speaking, last two months have been the worst part of my life as I did nothing to change something the way my life is. Even then i say that I am trying hard and to her also. 

In past two years I have done too much hard work, thats true, but some wronf decisions and badluck didnt let the things happen the way we expected. It happens usually and I accept that thing but I have a satisfaction that I did try hard in those opposite times. Now in the last two years I feel like a rock sitting at the top of a cliff which is immovable by itself and also nobody is there to move or displace it. yeah,  i have been jogging well and that has given me relief n terms of physical aspect. It seems, I have lost the power and will to work hard, maybe becaue of the failures and it show how weak I am, failure is a part of everybody's life  but I feel, i 

have already said "I QUIT" to life. and frankly speaking I see no more that 2 years, in fact even not 2 years completely in the future. I dont know why i feel so sick, so much down and being useless.  

anyway, I have planned a visit to her place(not with her), and hope I could make the fund for that tour.