Unconventional...

How soon can it happen?

you throw all your sentiments before someone.

how easily can you trust those eyes?

and ready to give your  everything for just one smile.

 why don’t  you want to bargain for offering a favor?

even when you are in the worst state to offer.

So many questions kept hitting my small logic planet,

but never found anything but a reason called satisfaction.

i m not sure if that explains my all those acts of stupidity,

when i start hitting on someone before doing some formalities.

I won’t call it “an again” if i go by the convention,

its rather the first time when i directly comes to the action.

no present no past for me it was just a straight question.

allow me to enter in your life, as you have already been into mine.

This is the first time i never wonder why i stopped on her,

she is the hybrid of every quality i looked in my past affairs.

unlike past, i don’t emphasize on making her mine,

rather i just want to leave an impact in her life.

True to myself, i don’t believe her for what she acts,

doesn’t matter, i don’t think of sticking her to my heart,

it’s the dream which i want to be in for a short duration,

don’t know why but this all seems to be the finest decision.

Expectations are what i always had seeded before anything,

remember i have fathered 100 kids and homes with all those pretties.

and unconventionally,  i forgot even to imagine a kiss with her,

with no exchange, forwarding her a genuine hand to offer a favor.

I “Thankyou Lord” for giving me this beautiful chance,

 to be able to avoid someone who seems perfect in every sense.

i wish if you could give her what she aspires and sent her away,

and in the end  “Fuck-you Lord” for making me such insane.

I dont want but I do....

This is dedicated to the one who is all over my mind, maybe also in heart, but right now she is troubling my mind as i havent been able to throw her out from there. I dont want to , even she doesnt want to, but i still do , i miss you :(


eyes open and again I am standing on the stairs,
i know i have crossed these lines many 100 times,
today i am freezed at the door with some thoughts,
nothing else but could only stare at the door.

once for me there was a life behind that gate,
a world which could be the heaven on the earth.
where i never imagined anything but affection.
and a bed of grass under a shed full of comfort.

the morning would be sparkling like her eyes,
i would be the first to wake up while she sleeps,
starting the day by staring at that innocent face,
and touching her lips as the morning dew on the leaves.

i imagined her to stay at home and cook for me,
while i go to work and earn some money for meal,
giving her every reaon to keep a smile on her lips,
nothing in return i would have asked but just a kiss.

thats is the life which was once a inspiration,
for which i  tried hard everything to make that happen.
broke the rules violates the limits and went too far,
too far to achieve what seemed possible and near.

i am not born to change the destiny but i tried,
and pushed everything much harder even after i realize,
in between that i had become the only reason,
for breaking and hurting evrything which seemed dear.

i always advocate to make memories of  all times,
this time the good memories haunt my breath,
while i cherish a little smile which i found in years,
i look behind and find myself standing on the stairs.

I wish i could erase her from every page of my diary,
but then that diary would be nothing a blank life,
even those happy moments bring tears to these eyes,
remembering the death of my world, my soul cries.

next moment i indulge myself into weaving a new world,
to get far away from that burnt and dead one,
i start from the sky and end up on earth with her.
so again it bring back the ghosts of my loved culture.

i can do every possible act on this planet except one,
to erase you from those memories which i have earned,
though they are a slow poison killing me every second,
but i know one kiss of you can bring me back that world.

Walking till Glory..

Walking across the road with dejected face,
rugged shoulders & a shirt full of stains,

Easy to match the emotions with the attire,
days ago they were young, bright  & containing fire. 

I looked like loser but unlike, I wanted the truth,
the truth which lead me away from the road I chased.

While questioning myself, i heard a sound,
the sparrows chirping in the sky over my head.

More than a sound, it appeared as an answer to me,
to those questions which had been pinching me.

In the next moment the sun appeared much brighter,
seems like its morning but realized its the sunset.

Hours later I saw my half-dead plants started smiling,
and that again brought some more light to my senses.

I went to mirror and saw same face with different glow,
couldnt find the reason as I didnt get any news to follow.

Hard to imagine how I forgot the pain and misery,
just because of some signs that brought back me life.

Thanks to that strict manager whom we call "GOD",
giving us enough inspiration to stand again and rise to prosper.

Now I feel again the temptation to taste the success,
and I see that palace in a desert of aspirations.

I heard people calling it a mirage which is just an illusion,
but to me its not a mirage as I am committed to touch it,

And hundred reasons i have been given to justify the diversion,
but again, lightning that dim glow of hope i have marched on.

Dont want this dream to be true...

IT has been a while since I created mess here last time. Now what takes me today here at this unmanaged poor kingdom of mine?

I barely have good sleep nowadays. And I don’t remember when I wake up with a smile and hope on my face.  I sleep too much but haven’t taken any quality sleep since a long time. Maybe good dreams are made during the imaginative peace of night. And since I have become an owl so its rare to see any night sleep except on weekends when I am in the arms of rum or some vodka….

Now today, I woke up and felt bit sad but lucky!

I have a strange illusion while sleeping. I felt as if my whole life has been summarized in one whole movie of about 15 minutes(I can’t say anything about the duration of that illusion). I saw myself in the worst phase and it appears that it is the conclusion of my life. A person indulge with many things in whole life and many relations, greets many people and turned off by some of them, turned on by some of them and let alone by most of them, so as a whole every person has some effect on our life whom we ever met in our life.

So I was surrounded with most of the people who has influenced my life, my father, my teacher, friends and many people I can’t recall all of the faces now. So I was in a place which looks like the one in which I always wanted to live. Having the fields of my own village and old friends from there.  I don’t know what was that thing which made me to scream at my father and some other people. I was screaming like if it’s the end of my life, like if they have snatched my most loved things from me. I was walking towards those people, screaming, throwing away everything I had in pockets, money, my belts, my shirt. It was like if I wanted to express my grief to the world who has taken away something valuable from me. And walking to the fields where my friends were doing the farming in the fields. It is my love so I tried to give them a hand and asked if they have heard any scream from the valley, no, they said. So I remain silent while thinking about that thing in my mind.

Now I return to the valley and everybody was sleeping in a room while I was lying and thinking about the mess I have created. I could feel the feeling I had at that moment. I was like a person who has lost everything and don’t care about next as he has nothing left to lose. So I was lying on the bed and a friend was trying to talk to me. Asking me now what I am gonna do. He was the younger brother of my teacher who has contributed a lot in my life both in negative and positive manner. So I had a big cellular phone in my hand and thinking about whom to call…and thinking about something which I can’t recall…

It was a dark night. I couldn’t see any light coming from the outside. It was bit cold like the sweet cold in the early morning of falling winter. And then I heard the sound of a vehicle stopped by our door. And don’t know how I knew that they were from some mental hospital who just came to take me away. At that moment I felt that life I finished, though it already appeared to me. A woman knocked on the door and my friend asked her what she wants. She said that, sorry i forgot what she said. And I told her that don’t worry I know that she was here to take me to some mental hospital. I didn’t panic but I knew that I cant stop it and nor I cared about that. I was free flow.

 I went outside. The vehicle was standing there. And there were the guards with chains in their hands. I smile and told them to take it easy. I had some grief within me so before moving in I screamed and cried jus to take every emotion out of myself. And then I sit in the front and asked for a cigarette from that girl. She said that why they are sending me to that place as I seemed ok. I just told her that maybe this world has enough of me. And I woke up.

This is dedicated the the sucking Manager of the company for whom i have been working for past two months..and she is the first woman whom i have literally uttered the F work  " in mind and with heart"...

Again I look around the room from that heavenly corner,
And see nothing but the different faces of emotions,

One is struggling on a task while the other one has just finished his,
I don’t know why to blame that poor one already under pressure,

But I see someone coming  to him with rage glowing in her eyes.
And the poor fellow has realized his time to face some lashes.

And I am surprised, not because this is the first time with anyone,
But by the way her responses differ for the different situations,

I agree, lashes can’t  be the only response to a mistake,
So how could she make him feel guilty even it wasn’t a mistake,

That’s just one side of a one sided affair, actually I notice other one,
Because I never notice her applauding any slave for when they deserve,

Just look at his neighbor who has just finalized a good deal for her,
I am still waiting for the day when she would applaud for good.

I think she has decided to reward everyone in some Grand function,
Perhaps, sometimes I think the impossible things to ever happen.

Oh, accidently I strike the right chord and I solved the case,
And the way everything goes and I think we were hired as slaves.

Sorry to the lady for whom I have been yelling venom for a while,
And thanks for giving a chance to live a civilized life.

Or else we would have been living to die as an unfortunate one,
As the one who hasn’t tasted the free coffee of your machine.

I support your movement to highlight the mistakes,
Because that’s what really deserved by the slaves.

But have u ever thought what happens when a slave is freed?
That would totally be a turn-around for what’s happening now.

we will check, how  u get even that free coffee from our machine,
And punishment would be hard and brutal far from your imagination.

As in your civilized world you haven’t experienced the black times,
Thanks for being born as slave, we know how one wish to die.

That’s what I have concluded after I realized our status,
So let me confirm once again, if you really take us like that?

THE MIRROR

ZERKHALO…

Some days ago he had been living with a lower head,

While the shoulders were still positive and straight,

To others he looked like a injured soldier of a battle.

Giving a sign of being dejected, may be betrayed,

He never yelled anything to anyone about the reason,

But within himself he considered himself as a victim.

Though he was broken from inside but still had some smile,

Because he had gained some sympathy in his own terms,

And gave a tag of cheater to the one he thought as responsible.

But that day changed the way he used to walk with such notions,

When he saw the whole picture with a neutral angle,

And found himself as the guilty who was actually responsible.

That day he woke up with similar thoughts in his mind,

Missing those days with her, recalling her face and smile,

And then recalling how she ruined and betrayed him.

In the washroom he washed his sleepy eyes, which had her image,

And then he gazed into those eyes trying to see that mirage,

That took him into her eyes and into the memories he missed.

But it’s a different vision then he used to have always,

Now he sees himself, just like if he is looking at mirror,

But he can’t see her, but only her hands with him on front.

He can read her mind and can feel her emotions,

As if he has gone inside her and looking by her view,

And then  felt the pain and trouble of her given by him.

The more time passes the more he cried from inside,

The more he became an opponent of his own acts,

and began to hate himself just like she does.

Wait, its her view and everyone has a partial view,

He asked for a neutral view from his own eyes,

To defend himself for the last time, he gave a try.

So the eyes took him out from her going by his will,

Now, in  a frame he could see both of her and himself,

And began the analyses by trying to keep himself up.

Again, the time passed and he started listening them,

Listening what they said, and watching what they did,

At last even after trying to give himself some benefit, he lost.

He cried, punched himself and tried to support her,

But realized that it was too late to stop anything,

he couldn’t  feel his own punch, so how could she feel his sorry.

He didn’t punch him for losing those arguments,

To lose her was his ultimate loss more than his own guilt,

And he cursed himself for being living with the wrong concept.

We often, so easily, took ourselves as a victim,

That we forget to evaluate what we actually did,

So we keep living in a world built by our fake instinct.

And leaving that person to with a guilt feeling,

This was actually our liability to clarify everything,

But we are never ready to play by keeping that ego aside.

Now he has changed the way he used to walk,

And his head matches with his lowered shoulders,

To  others he looks like a soldier who turned away.

Giving a sign of being dejected, but not betrayed,

He never yells anything to anyone about the reason,

But within himself he knows who is the real victim.

THE REASON I DONT KNOW

there is a dim lamp above the clock,
and a body lying on the bed of thorns.
and a thought who will say it last.

the eyes stares & sticks to the dim glow,
he cant feel thorns & suffering anymore.
seems he has forgotten to ask some reasons,
and at last he give up, to live the last part.
in search of a little relief, eyes  recall the past,
where he had seen some good moments.
 and i see.....there is a dim lamp above the clock,
..................


i could see how he went through the years he passed,
once known as the person who brings smiles in crises,
how lucky was he to have those best folks around him,
never asked sky for anything as he already had everything,
till that summer he was inside that aura inside which he flourished,
after which he only lived under the dark blankets of winter.
and i see.....there is a dim lamp above the clock,
..................


he glowed during that summer, from red to a rose,
folks saw him smiling for ever till the winter came.
and then everyone saw that rose turning into a thorn.
nobody thought that its the only season life has for him,
beaten from inside but none has seen him crying ever,
folks doubted if any dark soul captured him from within,
and i see.....there is a dim lamp above the clock,
..................


one time i asked him about the reason behind it,
giving a dented smile he asked me the same,
and i have seen that only question asked by his eyes,
dont know if there is anyone who knows about it,
he only said that the bed is woven by his own hysterics,
& cant blame anyone as he was reponsible for his acts,
and i see.....there is a dim lamp above the clock,
..................


sitting near a window, i hear thunders and snowfall on his premises,
& the naked trees who hasn't seen any sun since those years,
its time to leave him alone and undisturbed in his own thorns,
who knows what can keep that lamp glowing for so long,
but i know what can take him out of his bed and this ice age,
look into his eyes and give him those those reasons to change his way.
and i see.....there is a dim lamp above the clock,
..................